music_by_night

Even though no one - me included - uses Livejournal anymore, I still need to ritually post this at the end of every year. 

Right on, 2012.

( when she sings like she runs )

Livejournal has petered out in a pretty final way these last few months. Looks like we're tangibly and visibly growing out of something, all together.

It is not the New Year, however, until this has been posted. 

 

 

( all of the lights, all of the lights )

 

Happy New Years to all! xo

By staying in Montreal for another year, possibly another two years, I fear that I am simultaneously committing myself to equal parts singledom.

Blergh.

My redneck tendencies are shining through. Without being offensive to anyone, I have no sense of whether men in this city are heterosexual or homosexual. None whatsoever. And it's really becoming a problem for me.

Another autumn alone. I hope this winter isn't as cold as the last.

http://music.aol.com/video/what-hurts-the-most/rascal-flatts/1467083

This is the closest thing to love I've felt in a year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLJf9qJHR3E

I am seriously upset right now.
I have been stuck in this god damned city for the last three summer weekends because I've had to be packing and cleaning and not spending all my money on bus tickets home. Yesterday, I moved into a new apartment - July 1st is the shittiest day of the whole year in Montreal.
Because my landlord is painting the new place this weekend, we just shoved all my shit into one bedroom and I'm staying at a friend's place right now. We can't even settle into the new place until Sunday.
Whatever. I'm over that.
The icing on the fucking whole cake is that Joey texted me this morning. Do I want to go camping this weekend on the lake we both grew up on, in 32 degree weather? Of course I do. I always do. That is like, the one thing I would drop everything in the whole wide world to do.
Oh but wait, I have to deal with more Montreal bullshit.
Holy calisse de merde. WHY do I live in the city. I fucking hate the city.
I want to go home so badly right now. I want to go camping and I never want to come back.
I want bonfires and swimming and motor boats and Polt boys and summer tans. All of it. Right now.

fin.

No body I work with understands how social media works. Not a one of them. As a result, with less than two weeks remaining, the Chief Director here is on my back, wondering how we can get 500 or 1000 followers for this huge series of events Concordia is hosting.

Thus, I am resorting to this.

If you have attended Concordia, if you are currently attending Concordia, if you have heard the name Concordia mentioned in passing in your life, or, alternately, if you love me enough - 'like' this Facebook page. It's all I'm asking.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Branche-The-Concordia-Connection-Congress-2010/119980771359416?ref=search&sid=100000722156035.1765765883..1#!/pages/Branche-The-Concordia-Connection-Congress-2010/119980771359416?ref=ts

This is me on my knees.

I need to grow some balls.

I have made a 50% decision (more like 75% but I don't have the nerve to admit that to myself yet) that, in fact, communications and media work is not for me. There, I said it. It has been hard distinguishing between interests that I have. Are they just hobbies, or am I interested/passionate enough in these fields of study to re-pursue them at the university level? Essentially, should I start over? The whole dilemma is simultaneously scaring the shit out of me and really, genuinely exciting me. Awkward silence.

Literature and ancient history are two 'fields of study' (because they are huge, and I am not being very detailed right now) that I seriously miss. Sure, I can read in my spare time and go to the museum like I did this morning with a friend, but the bottom line is that  I am adamantly just NOT passionate about the field of work I have chosen. Where some people might regret doing a BA in a field that doesn't move heaven and earth for them, I do not. How can you possibly choose at the age of 19 (!!!!!!) the perfect field? How do you know yourself well enough at that point to even choose? You don't, I didn't.

Do I have the balls to start over again? Do I have the balls to admit that things are not going in a direction suitable FOR ME, and restart? 

It actually more or less comes down to money, or I would have been back in school a long time ago, but then I think, at 23, am I going to doom myself to a lifetime in a field that I lost interest in after 4 years? Or am I going to pick myself up and do something about it? 

I think I want to teach, and I do not want to teach Communications. Someone figure this out.

Oh, and I think I am going to delete my facebook. But as always, I need to find a ballsy enough moment to do it.

So ends my Sunday trials and tribulations.

So the main problem is that I seem to spend every waking moment doing one of these things:

Working
 

Napping/Full on sleeping

Cooking/Eating

Going to the Gym

Talking


It's a really basic lifestyle I'm upholding over here in Montreal, but I actually feel really good about it. As Mustafa said over and over during the Libsie days (and oh, how our profs were smart back then) "K.I.S.S. - Keep it simple, stupid."

Hi World,

I am stopping to briefly inform everyone that I have seen the light.

In other news, I have had the following lyrics and tune from the song Paperweight by Schuyler Fisk and Josh Radin stuck in my head since approximately Saturday. They apply to no one and everyone.

Been up all night staring at you,
Wondering what's on your mind,
I've been this way with so many before, but this feels like the first time 

You want the sunrise to go back to bed,
I want to make you laugh

Every word you say I think I should write down,
Don't want to forget come daylight

Cripe.

Someone needs to literally tear my face away from the Olympics happening on my television screen.